if anyone come across these old loveletters to my ex, I apologize

Though it is interesting to see how passionate i once was for someone

But I accepted the fact that he did not want my happiness

Funny over the years i have even come to fear him incredibly bc I know in his heart he probably wants a passive agressive recenge for his son rejecting him and not wanting to be with him

And i know that he blames me for my sons views which is hilarious because i fought hard to try to get his son to continiue to love him and accwpt him through out that whole divorce tike and even for years afterwards.

Though eventually I realized that my son probably wont develop that compassion until he is about 80 or something.. Bc my son had felt very violated when he was forced to go in visitations that he did not want to do but did so only bc his father threatened horrible repucurssions of he didnt.   

Whats funny is that this only made my son fight harder for wanting to make sure his father didnt have any custodial rights.

But alas now i fear my ex bc I know he doesnr want us happy.

If he did, he would let us have the home and walk away.

Then again.

 Without his help we would probably lose the house bc we cannot afford the taxes AND mortgage.  

So i guess we are screwed either way.

I wish he did want us happy but reality is he doesnt.

So I fear him.

Dear honey

You may be physically gone but every single time a memory of you pops up i feel so overwhlemed with love that for a moment its to hard to focus on anything else without being overwhlemed by the memory of you so i have to stop whatevr i am doing for a moment sp i acn allowe myself to have that feeling and let it pass on its way.

I hope they same thing is happening for you and that i am not the only one between the two of us who has to endure this.

The worst thought in the world to me is the idea that i might not matter to you or that you are not feeling what i am feeling.

i love you scott e pollack

iy$t
i mu$t be allowed to expre$s yhe love in my &eart
its healthier to express the love in your heart
itvis wrong to ever ask someone to stop loving you
it is wrong to ever ask someone to stop loving
it ia wrong to ever tell someone that rhere love is jot welcomed or wanted
if you dont know how to recieve their love then take it and give it to someone else but nwver ask someone to stop loving

dear scott e pollack thank you

everything good in my life right now came about and was made possible by both you, eagle, and my mother

i look so forward to the day you are willing to share all of the beauty of life with us again.

I love you and i miss you

I miss being allowed to give you loving.

I dont want to give any other man my loving.
Why cant you be okay with that?

Dear scott e pollack

I really did enjoy Sharing life with you.
I enjoyed walking around museums with you, the ren festival with you, traveling with you, just having you be at the house.  You haunt my memories of all the times i have deeply treasured you just being there. 

help eagle to thrive!!!!

[ ] $1K/yr museum memberships [ ] $3K/yr martial arts classes [ ] $2K/yr gymnastics classes [ ] $5K/yr museum lectures [ ] $10K/yr other misc homeshooling classes/activities [ ] $12K FOOD [ ] $13K Garden [ ] $20K therapy /health [ ] $15K transportation [ ] $20K past lawyers